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Thread: Redneck Vacation

  1. #1

    Smile Redneck Vacation

    Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells
    Luther, "Yaw know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different.



    The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.


    Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene
    got pregnant.



    Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got
    pregnant again.



    Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant
    again."


    Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's
    different?"

    "I'm taking Earlene with me."
    Timeshareforums Shirts and Mugs on sale now! http://www.cafepress.com/ts4ms

  2. #2
    Senior Member susieq's Avatar
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    HAD to pass this one on!!!
    Perpetual Motion ~ Going Nowhere Fast!!

  3. #3
    geezy peezy

  4. #4
    Brings to mind one of the tales OY about Mugwump Towers:

    Well, while making some sales calls a couple of weeks ago I stopped by to see my friends, Jerry and Jimmy McComber, at Skillery Skallery Enterprises. They’ve been in business for years at the far end of Slimey Slough, originally doing tanning and taxidermy, and more recently serving up some of the best gumbo in area. All under one roof. Quite an impressive operation the McComber boys got going there. Everything’s all spiffy and clean, and unlike the way things used to be twenty years ago, there’s no ripening “byproducts” in the dumpsters out back anymore.

    I first got to know the McCombers when I had one of them Eek-ology contracts to study waste management in the Slimey Slough area. At first I couldn’t figure out why they didn’t have stuff sitting in the dumpsters out back any longer. Then I remembered that was right about the time they started up the gumbo stand out front. And it’s been pretty successful, too. Folks say that Skillery Skallery Gumbo has a taste that you can’t get at any other gumbo stand anywhere in the world. And you know, I’m pretty sure there’s a reason for that.

    *****

    But I didn’t reopen this thread to talk about Skillery Skallery. Earlier I mentioned that Harlon and Billy Sue had skeedaddled off together, and that there had been some changes in Mugwump management when their positions were filled. So, being in the area, I stopped by to make a sales call to the Mugwump Towers to introduce myself to the new housekeeping and maintenance staff and see if I might be able to pick them up as customers. And I picked up some skinny that I thought might be of interest to the Mugwump owners.

    I was pleased to see that RoseAnne deShay is the new Office Manager at Mugwump. I first met RoseAnne when she was working the counter at Daisy’s Coffee Shop. RoseAnne and Daisy are cousins, and not only that, each of them has an ex-husband who are brothers, so they're got one of them real sisterhood bonding things going, being related both by blood and divorce. Pretty damn bloody divorces, too, so when people ask how they’re related, they sometimes wink at each other and say “We’re ‘bloody cousins’, matey”, with a bit of British accent.

    Daisy gave RoseAnne her start working in the Coffee Shop, and RoseAnne did such a good job managing the Coffee Shop that she got involved in other management jobs. Now she’s practically running the entire show at Mugwump. For the good too, because she’s taking a fresh look at the budget, and looking for ways to save money.

    Anyway, RoseAnne was reading a copy of the financial section of USA Today that some traveling businessman left in Daisy’s coffee shop, and she clipped an article that was about companies outsourcing services. So RoseAnne started thinking that she knew of several ladies in town who were running house cleaning business, and she thought that maybe she could outsource the room housekeeping services. So she let it be known they were looking around, and now an outfit called Leroy’s Cleaning does all of the room cleaning at Mugwump.

    *******

    LeRoy’s is run by Sharlene Clinton, who grew up on the other side of Slimey Slough. Still lives there, too, on the same land her family homesteaded years ago. Her mom and dad live in the farmhouse in front, and she lives with her kids in the trailers on the back side of the pole barn. Sharlene’s got 15 kids, so when things got too crowded they would just get another RV or prefab and move it out there. So she runs her cleaning business out of the kitchen in one of the trailers, and she keeps all of the kids busy working for her.

    Anyway, RoseAnne sent me off to talk to Sharlene because as a contractor Sharlene was the one who bought supplies. So I caught up with Sharlene while she had the crew there cleaning, and we chatted for a spell.

    I like to know my business clients personally as well as professionally, so I was asking her about the kids who were helping her out. So she pointed to one of the older boys and says, “That’s Leroy, and he’s does all of the heavy furniture moving and lifting. And that girl yonder, that’s LeighRoy, and she is in charge of running the washing machines. And other young boy there, his name is Leroy and he does all of the vacuuming. He works mostly with that other sister over there, who strips the beds. Her name is LeighRoy. “

    So I asked, “All four of ‘em are named 'Leroy’?”

    And Sharlene said “That’s right. And all ‘leven others, as well. All named Leroy - course it’s spelled different for the girls. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but giving them all the same name was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. With fifteen kids it’s pretty darn convenient to just say ‘Leroy!’ and get them all to listen at once. “

    And when I said, “Ahh - that’s why the business is “Leroy’s Cleaning”, she nodded her head.

    So I just had to ask, “Well what do you do then when you want to talk to only one or two of them at a time? You can’t say Leroy ‘cause that would call of them.”

    Sharlene looked at me and smiled, “Oh that’s easy. In that case I just use that one’s last name.”

    *******

    I have to say I was shocked - totally shocked!!! Let that be a lesson to never underestimate the cleverness of the women of Slimey Slough.
    “Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”

    “This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”

    “You shouldn't wear that body.”

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