Nursing Homes

[SOS8260456]

Sorry for what your family is going through. Sending prayers that your family finds a workable solution and also for your cousin's family and what they are also dealing with.

Lisa

[Kay H]

I don't have a suggestion to offer to you but I hope and pray that you all get it straightened out. So sorry about your cousin's daughter. When my mother was very ill with colon cancer, she was being discharged from the hospital and she lived alone and in no way could care for herself. We got a relative of a relative to commit to staying with her but as it turned out she didn't live long enough to go home. It is certainly a big delemma.

[rapmarks]

my mother is goinng to be 94 end of October, and she has seldom been sick her whole liefe and seems very strong.

I remember when we were looking for a place for my mother in law, 15 years ago, we put her name on waiting lists at a lot of places, and never heard from any of them.

[iconnections]

This is really difficult for you and your family. Your poor mother must feel bad about it too as she is no longer capable to take care of herself. I hope for you all that a solution will be found and soon. How sad too about the loss of one of your family member's daughter.

[rapmarks]

thanks for suggestions, using all the links and calling lots of places.

[Icc5]

thanks for suggestions, using all the links and calling lots of places.

We checked around (in Calif.) with several agencies and found one we liked. They sent out a few different people and once we found one my Mom really liked that became her caregiver except on the days off. We also found someone for those days. That went on for about 3 months and then my Mom got strong enough and wanted to be on her own again. Again, that went on until the next fall. This time we hired the person she liked bypassing the agency for a lot less money. It has worked great ever since.
Bart

[rapmarks]

I spent yesterday and day before calling and checking up through the various links. I found an agency that does in home help for 20 an hour. my sister is gone 11 hours for work, so that is 220 a day. I found three assisted living for memory care , one of which went through her records and said they would take her, and the other two acted like they would. My mother is being released onThursday morning and they would take her immediately. My sisters said no they are taking her home. This morning my mother asked where her mother is, so she is downhill fast. I think they are making a big mistake taking her home.
what is really bad is the complaining calls from my sister about everything, already had one this morning. I have asked her since this saturday to get the medical information sent to a nursing home that is farther away, she still hasn't done it. I talked to the admissions person, they warned against spending all her money in home care or assisted living, there are absolutely no beds in illinois if you can't pay going in, and you have to prove you have two years of money. so paying 6000 a month for help at home or even paying for assisted living is going to deplete her money. assisted living is around 5700 a month for all the services she needs, plus all her meds.

[ampaholic]

When DW's mom was diagnosed with Dementia at 91 - her 5 children got together and drew straws for who she would stay with - the other four then agreed to each fork over 1/4 of the salary that the "winner" gave up to stay home and care for MIL every month.

It was the cheapest and best care arrangement they could give - the system lasted 4 1/2 years until she passed peacefully. Fred then went back to work.

[rapmarks]

When DW's mom was diagnosed with Dementia at 91 - her 5 children got together and drew straws for who she would stay with - the other four then agreed to each fork over 1/4 of the salary that the "winner" gave up to stay home and care for MIL every month.

It was the cheapest and best care arrangement they could give - the system lasted 4 1/2 years until she passed peacefully. Fred then went back to work.

this is what i wanted my sister to do, she earns about 1/3 of what it will cost, she hates her job, she is 58, my mother has to have her around, she doesn't care about the rest of us. My two other sisters say NO, what if mom dies, then she won't have a job. this sister inherits all, so then she lives off that and her savings and starts on social security in three and a half years..

They had a meeting today with social worker and staff said they were foolish to take my mother home, i had found a place for her, but my sisters said no, they were taking her home. Now at 5 o'clock they are calling me asking what to do. I have been getting calls and emails non stop for two weeks about how bad my mother is doing and now my sister asks me "do you think she's that bad".

[jackio]

this is what i wanted my sister to do, she earns about 1/3 of what it will cost, she hates her job, she is 58, my mother has to have her around, she doesn't care about the rest of us. My two other sisters say NO, what if mom dies, then she won't have a job. this sister inherits all, so then she lives off that and her savings and starts on social security in three and a half years..

They had a meeting today with social worker and staff said they were foolish to take my mother home, i had found a place for her, but my sisters said no, they were taking her home. Now at 5 o'clock they are calling me asking what to do. I have been getting calls and emails non stop for two weeks about how bad my mother is doing and now my sister asks me "do you think she's that bad".

It is probably guilt that is making your sisters think they have to take your mother home. But the prospect of your sister without health insurance until she reaches Medicare age is a real concern. It seems that you are the sibling who is trying to analyze the situation from a logical vs. emotional mindset.
Best of luck.