Nursing Homes

[rapmarks]

the talk of nursing homes has usually been about affording them, whether to purchase insurance, etc. We have a different problem.

In june my mother was living on her own, totally capable of taking care of herself, but limited as she is 93. she started fainting and also vomiting and bleeding. Her doctor admitted her to hospital, rehydrated and wanted to send her home. he said bad things happen to people in their nineties in the hospital. The gastroenterologist order a colonoscopy, and that was the beginning of the end. she has been hosptialized or in rehab since then and grows more and more confused each day. not about her past, her family, etc, but about where she is. We get frantic calls at night that she doesn't know where she is supposed to sleep, that she is being evicted, etc. Anyhow, she is due to be released on Oct 4. They only give you two weeks notice and the problem is that nursing homes that promised rooms now say none are available. we have called at least 20 nursing homes, going over thirty miles from her home. We are prepared to pay the $10,000 a month and guarantee three years worth of payment, as they request, but they have a waiting list, some say a year wait.
What the heck do you do? My sister is taking a one month leave, we are calling these help at home agencies, that will cost at least $240 a day and who knows what will happen with my mother and a stranger in her home. My sisters all work, my mother wants to be near my one sister who is 58 and needs to work, and can't take a chance on giving up health insurance. I would find a place in Florida, but we all know my mother won't be separated from my one sister.
since mid june, someone from the family has been at the rehab or hospital either all day or in case of my sister, before work, after work til bedtime, and all weekend. We are all exhasted, one sister had a small stroke.

to top it off, our cousin's 34 year old daughter was killed Friday morning in a freak car accident, so everyone in family is in state of upset.

[jackio]

Oh I am so sorry for your troubles.

In New York, a family can refuse discharge if they believe they cannot care for the patient. You can call the social worker and tell them there is no one to care for your mother, and if they do not find placement, she will have to stay in the hospital. They usually find something pretty quickly when faced with a patient who may become a non-payer due to insurance companies only paying certain amounts for certain admission types).

Best of luck to you during this difficult time, and my condolences for your loss.

[rapmarks]

she can stay in the rehab part, getting no rehab, for $14,000 a month, all out o pocket. They won't let the patients have walkers, only wheelchairs, so my mother is totally stuck there. she is supposed to call an aide to use the bathroom, but i have sat in the room for hours and not known who her aide for the day is.
I didn't mention , but every few weeks she still has these bouts of throwing up, noone knows what causes them,

[jackio]

she can stay in the rehab part, getting no rehab, for $14,000 a month, all out o pocket. They won't let the patients have walkers, only wheelchairs, so my mother is totally stuck there. she is supposed to call an aide to use the bathroom, but i have sat in the room for hours and not known who her aide for the day is.
I didn't mention , but every few weeks she still has these bouts of throwing up, noone knows what causes them,

Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were paying out of pocket for rehab.

I understand about not wanting a stranger in your mother's house. Do you know someone who has used a live-in aide previously and can give you a recommendation?

Maybe your one sister can speak to your mother about the practicality of limiting her search to be close to her. sigh.... how sad for all of you to have to make such difficult choices...

[rapmarks]

Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were paying out of pocket for rehab.

I understand about not wanting a stranger in your mother's house. Do you know someone who has used a live-in aide previously and can give you a recommendation?

Maybe your one sister can speak to your mother about the practicality of limiting her search to be close to her. sigh.... how sad for all of you to have to make such difficult choices...

My sister has been calling everyone for weeks, not much is panning out.

[Pstreet1]

I'm so sorry; I've been through something similar, and it's very, very difficult. The best piece of advice I got when going through it was "be absolutely certain that she is located where someone in the family can, without too much inconvenience, drop in on her anytime. There is no question that you will get panicked phone calls saying something or other is wrong, and you can't ignore them; if you are too far away to check easily, you'll have to find a way to get there--so be certain she is close to someone you trust. In addition, there is no question that people who have regular, unexpected, visitors get better care." (In my case, she couldn't come to Colorado because of the altitude and her having only about 1/4th of one lung working.) I've heard good things about VISITING ANGELS from a friend, but I didn't use them so I can't say. http://www.visitingangels.com/ I really do wish you luck in finding a good solution for both your mother's health and your peace of mind.

[chriskre]

Wow so sorry to hear you are having to deal with this.

With 10k a month here in Florida you can hire a one on one caregiver and apply for hospice care for extra services. We don't seem to have any shortage of immigrants legal and not who provide these services for room and board plus a little pocket change. Many of them were nursing assistants in nursing homes.

I know my friend pays around 2k a month for 24/7 care. If your dad was a veteran the VA provides up to 2k for your mom for these services as well. There are lawyers who help with coordinating VA services.

You don't have to be on deaths door to receive hospice services here in Florida. I know a lady who got hospice for 10 years. Seems to be some sort of way to extract more benefits from medicare when declared to need hospice.

Good luck in finding your solution.

[pittle]

When I was looking for a place for my mother who has dementia and Alzheimer's to move to the Phoenix area from Louisiana, I found a website called "A Place for Mom". They helped me find an Assisted Living with Memory Care at the price we wanted to pay. I looked at 13 places they recommended before choosing the one we liked best. We have been very pleased with the facility we chose and were able to take some of Mom's favorite things. They can also help with Nursing Homes. www.aplaceformom.com is the website. It might be worth a try. Someone from the organization will become your counselor and call you with suggestions and can help however they can.

Good luck!

[Pstreet1]

What a great web site! Thanks--I'll remember (at least try to) it so I can tell others.

[rapmarks]

my mother lives in a questionable neighborhood. most of the immigrants want to be in the much nicer neighborhoods. one lady who will work part time, wants to be paid while she is driving, and we need to find someone else to help.
I am willing to look in Florida, and take the responsiblity, but my mother would never be happy away from one of my sisters.
My sister makes 25000 a year, and i think she should quit and have my mother pay her the same amount and pay for her insurance, but my other two sisters think it would be unhealthy and if my mother died, there wouldn't be another job available. So my sister will contue working, come home from work and take care of my mother, and pay someone three times her salary to stay with my mother during the day.

I forwarded the visiting angel link to my sisters.