Why men are never depressed

[Spence]

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

• Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[lawren2]

Originally Posted by Spence

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

• Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
  
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Not only can I do that but I can do that in a carry-on and I have independent witnesses!


But the rest are quite true!

Dear Old Dad could never figure out how I could control half ton horses so easily and not be able to open a jar of spaghetti sauce.

[Spence]

Originally Posted by lawren2

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Not only can I do that but I can do that in a carry-on and I have independent witnesses!


But the rest are quite true!

Dear Old Dad could never figure out how I could control half ton horses so easily and not be able to open a jar of spaghetti sauce.

Why Women are Never Depressed

• Women Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures?
• You get two last names, burn credit with one use the other!
• The Closet is all yours, his clothes fit under the sink.
• You can blame hours of shopping on wedding plans and a 60 pound weight gain on pregnancy, and people believe you!
• you CAN get pregnant, and feel life growing inside of you, men only feel gas.
• If you flirt correctly service people do stuff for free or cheap.
• Your bathrooms have chatting (Men think we are actually there to pee).
• You make believe you need another bathroom less icky, but you actually want to get closer to the mall and bully your man into shopping all day, claims of lack of hygiene are your tool!
• You can make your man do anything if you wear the right dress and say the right phrase.
• You can fake a female problem and stay home a few days a month from work, supervisor don't wanna know the details.
• You can wear contact lenses, and can even have plastic surgery! If a man does it he is called "gay".
• You can stare at every man in the room and your husband won't know.
• Your heels can make you appear taller, men need insole lifts!
• You may be moody but when you want *** you have a 99.9% of getting it, chances are someone will oblige! No need to beg, pay, cry.
• You always have female friends willing to examine everything your man did lately, both of you can get to the bottom of the most difficult to explain cases for free and without a profesional.
• You know stuff about color matching and you come prepared every where you go!
• You can get men to open jars, do the heavy lifting just by faking weakness.
• If it's the middle of the night most people will open the door to a woman than a man, you are not a menace!
• You know how to fix, arrange, clean and organize anything!
• The divorce judge always goes in your favor, specially if you cry.
• You can blow your husbands entire paycheck and blame it on the hairstylist.
• You can be 90 and he still will want you!
• You can be slim without being called punny, men can't!
• You get a diamond ring when you get married and never are suspected of being serial killers.
• You can wear pants yet men can't wear skirts!!!!

No wonder women are happier!!